I have more than double no life?

Supposedly if you’ve seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you’ve seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put X’s next to the films you’ve seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
(X) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
(X) Starsky and Hutch
(X) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X ) Airplane
Total: 10

(X) The Princess Bride
(X) Anchorman
(X) Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
(X) Saw
(X) Saw II
(X ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
(X) Anger Management
(X) 50 First Dates
(X) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 20

(X) Scream
(X) Scream 2
(X) Scream 3
(X) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 24

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(X) Harry Potter 4
(X) Resident Evil 1
(X) Resident Evil 2
(X) The Wedding Singer
(X) Little Black Book
(X) The Village
(X) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 34

(X) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
(X) The Grinch
(X) Te as Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Te as Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(X) White Chicks
(X) Butterfly Effect
(X) 13 Going on 30
(X) I, Robot
(X) Robots
Total so far: 43


(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
(X) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
(X) Deep Impact
(X) KingPin
(X) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
(X) Meet the Fockers
(X) Eight Crazy Nights
(X) Joe Dirt
(X) KING KONG
Total so far: 53

( ) A Cinderella Story
(X) The Terminal
(X) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(X) Dumb & Dumber
(X) Dumber & Dumberer
(X) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(X) Halloween
(X) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving -MAS
(X) Flubber
Total so far: 61

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(X) Chicago
(X) Ghost Ship
(X) From Hell
(X) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
(X) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 66

(X) The Day After Tomorrow
(X) Child’s Play
(X) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(X) Ten Things I Hate About You
(X) Just Married
(X) Gothika
(X) Nightmare on Elm Street
(X) Sixteen Candles
(X) Remember the Titans
(X) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(X) The Mask
(X) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 78

(X) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(X) Ocean’s Eleven
(X) Ocean’s Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
(X) Bedazzled
(X) Predator I
(X) Predator II
(X) The Fog
(X) Ice Age
(X) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 88

(X) Independence Day
(X) Cujo
( ) A Bron Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
(X) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss’s Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(X) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 93

( ) Best Bet
(X) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(X) She’s All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(X) Sideways
(X) Mars Attacks
(X) Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
(X) Big Trouble in Little China
(X) The Terminator
(X) The Terminator 2
(X) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 104

(X) X-Men
(X) -2
(X) -3
(X) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
(X) Sky High
(X) Jeepers Creepers
(X) Jeepers Creepers 2
(X) Catch Me If You Can
(X) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
(X) Reign of Fire
(X) The Skulls
(X) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(X) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
Total so far: 120

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
(X) Old School
(X) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf’s Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 123

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 129

(X) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
(X) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(X) Elf
(X) Highlander
(X) Mothman Prophecies
(X) American History
( ) Three
Total so Far: 135

( ) The Jacket
(X) Kung Fu Hustle
(X) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monsters Inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(X) Shaun Of the Dead
(X) Willard
Total so far: 142

(X) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(X) Hulk
(X) Dawn Of the Dead
(X) Hook
(X) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
(X) Phantasm
(X) Waterworld
Total so far: 150

(X) Kill Bill vol 1
(X) Kill Bill vol 2
(X) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
(X) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
(X) Re-Animator
(X) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 156

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X)Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
(X) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 163

(X The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
(X)Animatrix
(X) Evil Dead
(X) Evil Dead 2
(X) Team America: World Police
(X) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
(X) Hannibal
Total: 173 And here is the rest of it.

I've laughed for about month:

This video is one of the main reasons I still think SNL is funny and Kristen Wiig is the best thing in a long time

. And here is the rest of it.

Interview with Doug TenNapel

I've been gone a while. I took a break. I found this article through one of my random, stream of consciousness jaunts through Wikipedia. For those of you that don't immediately say, "Wow! Doug TenNapel!", let me refresh you on who this sucker is. He's the guy that created Earthworm Jim. Along with that he's made several really interesting graphic novels. The guy is a Christian in a business thick with the lost. It was nice to see how someone balances writing stories about "Alien space eels" with their faith.

My favorite quote:

Do you see your work, especially in graphic novels, as a means of evangelism or simply voicing your opinion on various topics?

I don’t see how I can separate anything I say as being one or the other. If I speak the truth, to some degree I am evangelizing. I make a case for what I think. I make the case by voicing my opinion and giving supports or reasons for why I hold these positions. That said, I don’t just hammer a message home. The message is just as much a part of my organic process as putting insect monsters in everything...I’m not manufacturing bumper stickers. I’m telling stories. I’m not sure I answered your question.

Part 1:

Part2:


If you plan on purchasing any of his books. Use Vitamin Z's amazon store to do it. The money goes to his adoption fund.

And here is the rest of it.

Love in any language:

Fluently spoken here

No jump today.And here is the rest of it.

Someday the world will thank me for organizing the internet:

After the jump are as many of the hot viral Christian music videos. See, doesn't the internet feel smaller already?



Jesus Is My Friend by Sonseed-



The Renewed Mind Is The Key-
The Renewed Mind Is The Key...to bad dancing



David Crowder Covering Sonseed-


I'll update this anytime another hot-one comes down the pipe.

File in the gARRRRRRbage:

Today as many o' ye know be "Talk like a Shipmate tide." Swabbies all o'er th' world be sayin' Arr an' Avast. I found a wee links that will help ye get into th' spirit o' things. Check them ou' after th' jump.


First is the delightful little English to Pirate translator that I used to dialectify my opening statement. It's found here.

The other is the supposed original "Talk like a Pirate Day" website. It's chock full of pirate like info. It has a creepy Jimmy Buffett feel to it. Enjoy!

Don't forget to keep an eye on the Flickr picture stream for this years festivities.

Last but not least is the end all be all of knowledge, the mighty Wikipedia. Here's the wiki for TLAPD.

I hope this helps ye t' fully embrace yer inner Buccaneer durin' this most hallowed o' holidays.

yar?

I think this is why I'm a jerk:

I was over at TYVZ and I came across this post.  I didn't really read it because I saw the word over there on the left.  The author used it to describe himself.  I don't know if he's a jerk like me or not, but take the jump to find out why I think this word finally sums up why I'm such a profound jerk.


If you're buying, then I'm going to be selling.  If you're excited, then I'm going to bring up the other side.  If you're having a bad day, I'll remind you to be chipper.  If you like something, I'll find something wrong with it.  If it's supposed to be amazing, I'll avoid it like the plague. 

Long story short, I think I'm smarter than you.  Whoever you are, I probably think I'm smarter than you.  Even if I think you're smarter than me at this moment, I'm pretty sure that at some point I'll get the one up on you in the brains department.  I think I know more than you and that is easy to think because I probably don't think you know much at all.  This is my mindset and it is obnoxious.

I'd be stupid to say this is my cross to bear.  This is actually one of MANY crosses to bear.  I'm actually more like a burden viewing station than a person.  Come by sometime and check out my personality faults.  You know, the ones I use humor to cover up.

I'm contrarian and I miss out on a lot of things because of that.  I've missed out on so much of the joy and good that comes with knowing Christ.  If you're experiencing the love of Christ, I'm probably reminding you that you need to study and suffer.  That's just what I do.  I'm a jerk.

My new mantra is working on this.  "I Can't".  Restructuring my thoughts to involve others has become a necessary and vital part of my life and ministry.  Because I'm better and smarter than you, I can't trust you to do anything, right?  So, I'm having to change that thought process and it's Christ working in me to do it.  I want people in my life and I want to share and work with them.  

God is in fact using my wife to do this.  I have to trust her, even though I think I could do it better.  I thank God for him humbling me with through my wife.  I can't be a contrarian with her and expect to have a happy home life or fulfill my role as husband and head of the family.  

This is all a little tongue and cheek, maybe it's even a little inflated, but it's still a fact.  My sinfulness drives me to think that I'm the best thing around.  That is my struggle.  I'm prideful.  Don't be like me, don't be a contrarian.  Be like Christ.

And the party don't stop till 7:30 in the evening:

Today is respect for the aged day in Japan.  Here in America there are 37.3 Million people over the age of 65.  When I'm a senior citizen the estimate is that there will be over 80 million senior citizens.  I suddenly feel like we're running out of room.  There is no jump, the elderly do not jump.

And here is the rest of it.

3 months ago:

I was in the middle of taking pictures after becoming wedded to my beautiful wife. I am more thankful for these last three months than any other period in my life. I've grown as an adult, a Christian, and a husband more than I could ever imagine. She is a gift and I am thankful for her. And here is the rest of it.

The front fell off:

It's kind of like it was written by the guys in Monty Python, but it wasn't scripted at all. Take the jump to see the video.

Refuge '08

I recently attended a youth minister focused time of worship and teaching in Birmingham, AL. It was fantastic, I have to recommend anyone who has the chance to get involved with student life. They are the real deal. Take the jump to read a little about the impact of this event.

Louie Giglio, Chris Tomlin, David Platt, Kristian Stanfill, the list sounds like a who's who in popular Christian culture. Well, that's actually pretty accurate. The event brought out some big guns, and it was free. The best in music and speaking for those of us doing ministry. It was touching that they would put on something like this for us, but then the whole thing actually started. From moment one my typically jaded, sarcastic take on things that are popular faded. Chris Tomlin shared his heart and it wasn't flashy or showy. The kicker is he did it between stops on his national radio tour. He could have been home or sleeping and he played a free show for us.

Louie Giglio took the stage and broke from his usual smooth delivery and just kind of talked about his church for a while. Then he talked about grace. My new battle cry, "I Can't", was born from his talk. Jesus Christ is the only hope of anything happening in our ministry. This theme has appeared and been resonant in my life for a few weeks now. From my time going through Experiencing God to this weekend, I'm reminded that God is doing and doesn't need me, but invites me to join in.

That was the first night. The next nights were filled with Kristian Stanfill's music and passion. I was not a fan of Stanfill's going into this. I had no idea what he was about and I really hadn't heard his music, basically I was rebelling against something popular. I was so wrong. Stanfill is a white hot, blazing, furnace of joy for his Messiah. That poured into his times of worship leading with us. I was blessed to have watched him sing praises to our God. That night Randy Hall spoke, you don't know Randy, but you should. He's the man at the helm of Student Life.

Randy shared a message that followed suit for my life. That we are not in control. Also, he gave us a new definition of youth ministry. I'll put it up if anyone is interested.

The last night was all David Platt, the man quoted Romans 1-8. That is not a typo, I didn't forget the chapter, he did all 8 chapters because, as Luther said, "You can't understand Romans 9 until you understand Romans 1-8." Then after he got my attention he used the truth of scripture to shatter me. In short you can sum up his message as this. "If you believe the first 8 chapters, then you carry the burden of the 9th." Even shorter, 1/3 of all humanity is presently storing up God's wrath and will eventually be in an eternal hell. I hadn't heard it in a while and I needed to. We don't get to pick and choose what part of God's word is a privilege and which part is a burden. God calls everyone to global missions. That's what I was left with and that's what you get left with. Gospel truth, you are called to global missions, figure out how.

Bad movies and the trailers that love them:

When I was growing up, I stayed with my grandmother pretty regularly. She had chores and there were no kids in the neighborhood, so I watched a lot of tv. She didn't have cable so I watched a lot of basic channels. Here's the thing, in the late 80's and early 90's the basic channels played Soap Operas or really really B grade movies (is there a C grade?). I imagine this is where my love for B movies started.

After the jump I have the trailer for one of the worst/best movies I saw as a kid. It played every couple weeks and I would watch it all the way through every time. Keep an eye out for, a big eyeball, Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite, and the greatest monologue ever performed by an alien.


I give to you, Terror Vision.



Did you catch everything? Were you able to finish the whole trailer in spite of your fear? Remember this was one of my favorite movies growing up.

I have to ask you, do you remember when trailers where this bad? It seems like now the trailer is as well produced as the movie. As I wrote that I realized the idea stands true for this movie, the trailer, was in fact, as well produced as the movie.

As a point of comparison, I'm including the trailer to the greatest movie of all time, unquestionably, the greatest most life altering film ever to be created or which ever will be created.

I used to work at a music store:

I'm not going to say which music store I worked at, because I'll probably say something harsh about them and they have sued people before. I'll leave it at this, I used to work with the guys in these next videos.

The first guy asked me to sit in with him when his drummer was unable to make it. It was fun, they were totally into RATT and 80's hair metal. I couldn't hold a candle. I got to play with the bassist for the band Loud Flower during that session also. It was neat. Scott was one of the few cool guys at the music store.

The second guy was probably the most laid back guy there. They both worked in the guitar department so they really could have taken a dump on someone and not have caught any flack about it. Which I guess helps you be laid back. They are both really exceptional musicians and it's nice to see them play, because artistry felt a little stifled while I was there.

Check the videos out after the jump. They are just product commercials, but it's still neat that I found them on youtube.

P.S. I'm a depressing movie

Over at my other blog, The Human Bladder I just wrote a bladder sized review of "P.S. I Love You" and felt like the movie had this hidden message about the Christian world view and how we deal with loss. I'm pretty sure that it wasn't intentional as there are no Christian overtones or character traits in the movie, it's more what I saw a lack of in the movie that got me thinking. Take the jump to read more about it.

Jennie and I watched this movie and she cried throughout the entire thing. It is a genuinely sad movie. Here's the rundown of the plot, don't read it if you are going to see the movie. Hillary Swank is madly in love with Gerard (This Is Sparta!!!!) Butler and he is seemingly more in love with her. She's the nervous worrier and he is the care free Irish karaoke singer. They fight, they make up, and they are super in love. Then he dies of a brain tumor.

Hillary is done. She has resigned herself to being a hermit in her apartment watching old movies and drinking. Her friends intervene. One of the weird parts of this movie has to do with the time table for mourning that every except Swank has. Within hours everyone has a really chipper outlook and seems to want Hillary to assimilate it. The friends and mom bust into the apartment to celebrate her big 3-0. A cake arrives that says it is from Gerard (This is Cake!!!!) and it has a tape attached to it.

From that point on Swank receives letters from her dead husband that he set up before hand. It's sweet and creepy. Which also sums up Harry Connick Jr.'s role. The letters run a gamut from, "Go clubbin' wit da girlies! WooT WoOt!1!" to "Go to Ireland." She's happy then she's sad, then she sleeps with a guy which makes her both happy and sad. Finally she just loses it and runs crying to her mother/Cathy Bates. With a ton of pathos she cries out to her mom about how nothing will ever fill the void her husband left and that no matter what, she is alone. To which her mother replies, "Yep."

So here's where I started thinking. I believe my wife and I love each other as deeply as theses characters, my guess is even more so. We both were effected by the thought of losing each other that this movie brought up. The thing is though, we both know that if the other goes, we're not alone. We know that we aren't going to be eternally separated. We have hope.

The characters in this movie have no hope outside of what's going on around them. Swank's character eventually finds a bit of joy in designing shoes, but that's it. Nothing will ever make her as happy as her ex-husband did. I think this speaks volumes to the natural nihilism that comes with a Godless view of life. I have some Atheist friends who could argue otherwise and be pretty persuasive, but they can't say that they have any hope for life and death working out. If they lose a loved one, they're just alone, and no one and no thing can change that.

When loved ones die it's always hard to handle. There will be grieving no matter how much hope we have, but scripture reminds us that

"But when this perishable will have put on the imperishable, and this mortal will have put on immortality, then will come about the saying that is written, "Death is swallowed up in victory. "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law; but thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ"

I think maybe what I'm trying to say is, if you aren't firmly rooted in Christ then death is victorious and I think that it's hard if not impossible to not have that influence every part of your life. Even if he or she can't quote 1 Corinthians 15:54-57, subliminally there has to be a nagging reminder that they have nothing but death's sting and victory. Everything else is just to keep their mind off of that fact. The hobbies, the jobs, and the relationships are all there to distract from the fact that eventually all that group has is death victorious which is why it makes perfect sense for Hillary Swank's character to have no hope. She wasn't just torn from her one true love, she was thrust back into the heart of her problem, that death wins and she is feeling it's sting.

How would the movie differ if she had "put on the imperishable"? I can't say for sure. I know for myself, I'd be shattered if I lost Jennie. Though, I have hope and I know that death has no victory because it had no victory over Christ. I'd cry and I'd pull away, I'd be testy and I'd miss her, but I'd know that I wasn't alone. I wouldn't be confronted with the nihilistic absence of hope and goodness, I'd see Christ comforting me and reminding me that He is victorious. Death has lost it's power and it's sting.

Maybe you're going through something like what the movie portrays or you've got a situation that is even more difficult. If you have repented of your sins and trusted that Christ is all that things He claims in scripture then you have hope. Hope in spite of your situation, hope in love and hope in loss. Don't lose sight of where that hope comes from and you won't lose sight of that hope.

I don't like Burger King anymore.

That may seem a little intense. I'll still eat there, but once upon a time, I was asking for BK gift cards for Christmas. A few weeks ago I had a #1 from The King and almost immediately regretted it after the first bite. It was exactly as I remember it, thick, juicy, heavy. Something just wasn't right though, Jennie had gotten me off the stuff for to long. It was like I'd gotten it out of my system and the hit was too hard.

I seriously felt awful the rest of the day and the effect of that big, delicious, disgusting hamburger on my system was none too pleasant. I have my wife to thank for ruining me to fast food. She got me off and kept me from thinking about it long enough to get over the withdrawal. If you are like me, I know you can do it.

I've lost almost 10 pounds since I've cut most of the fast food out of my diet. I can still eat the occasional Wendy's burger, which by the way doesn't give me that sinking feeling as I eat it (The new "stack attack" does). I just don't crave it like I used to. You heard it here first, and I imagine that this is the only place you will hear it, but I'm just not into BK anymore. Confession over.And here is the rest of it.

Seeking Venture Capitalists:

My wife and I have been making our lunches. As such I have gotten a handle on my calorie intake and because of that have lost nearly 10 pounds. I am looking for 10 more. Why do I need a Venture Capitalist to help me lose 10 pounds? I don't, I'm just rambling. Take the jump to see why I need some one rich to give me millions.

Because we've been making our lunch we've been trying out various "lunch time digestibles transportation medium solutions", lunch bags for short. We've amassed a rather large ball of plastic bags that we've been using to carry our lunches in, pluching a bag every night and filling it with delicious lunch type foods. But, I'm feeling decidedly ungreen throwing away a lunch bag every day when I know it won't ever disappear from the face of the earth. I'm pretty sure I'm going to use all of them in some kind of cool Instructables type way anyways.

Still, why do I need a Billion dollars from a Venture Capitalist? The answer is simple. The market for adult lunch boxes is completely untapped! Think about it, you've got your branded kid lunch boxes. (Side not: How can Batman be as deeply artistic as everyone thinks it is and still be on half the lunch boxes I've looked at? Jar Jar Binks was not given the same leniency) You've got your adult coolers, but those aren't really lunch boxes are they? They're more like the fanny pack of the picnic scene. I refuse to get involved with the fanny pack.

So, I think me and some rich guy should start making designer adult lunch boxes, no camo, no Hannah Montanna, just nice clean lines and colors that help you get through the work day without sporking someone to death. I think it could be huge. If you're tired of being marginalized by the lunchbox mafia, then rise up and demand a better lunchbox! Demand Chris' Designer Adult Lunchbox.

My new blog:

In celebration of barely giving this blog enough attention, I'm starting another one! It's called "The Human Bladder" after this great Alfred Hitchcock quote about the length of movies in relationship to the strength of the human bladder. It's going to be a movie review blog, but all the reviews are going to be short, short and short. I figure that you've got a lot to do, so I'll just give you my completely biased view of the movie and we'll move on. So check it out, in it's infancy, right here. And here is the rest of it.

Watch me blow your mind:

Are you watching?

Take this tall pint of frothy deep thought in and see if your head doesn't spin.

I was recently around a very nice, thoroughly Christian woman, who is a great parent and solid american citizen and as such the sarcasm and general rudeness of any statement I make shouldn't be viewed as an attack on her, but one the thought process of so much of the population. Take the jump to have your mind blown.

With that giant run on sentence out of the way, let me tell you a story that will blow your mind, remember me talking about that a second ago? The topic of "The Simpsons" came up in conversation one day and this dedicated and well intentioned mother said something along the lines of, "I don't let my mine watch those misbehaving kids." Then another mother nodded in agreement. It's been a few days and I was just making up my Amazon.com wish list when I happened to run across the ample seasons of The Simpsons. I almost clicked it then I heard that nice and fully competent mother's voice in my head.

I paused and thought about what I was going to do, then I started thinking about this. If it is so bad for children to watch a cartoon television show under the watch of their parents then how much worse is it to send them to public school where the kids are worse than Bart could ever hope to be and some of the teachers make Homer look like a role model.

I have lots of friends who home school or are going to homeschool. They get abused for their choice a lot by parents who think their kids need to be around the things that they abhor on television. I think the logic is pretty strong that if you don't think your kids should be around it when it's fake, then your kids shouldn't be around it when it's real. So if you've ever thought that way, then check your hypocrisy switch, it might be flicked.

I'm not trying to draw a line in the sand either. Home schooling isn't for everyone and a lot of that is because of time and cost. Don't hate me. It's a sticky topic, one best answered by Voddie Baucham. He's pretty fair and balanced. Wink Wink.

You may now begin picking up the pieces of your mind.

Post 100

I'm pretty amazed that I've stayed with this blogging thing. For a second I'd like to thank anyone who has read my blog. I have a stats thing that tells me that people from all over the world accidentally end up at my blog. So, for those of you who have intentionally or unintentionally spent time with the spoo, I thank you. I hope you've laughed and I hope that you've thought, maybe a little? Hopefully you found something that made you think about the God who redeemed me amongst the ridiculousness.

Either way, I've enjoyed everything from the raging catholics to the failed attempts at running contests. It's been a good time. I know 100 posts for some blogs happens within weeks, but this is still pretty cool, thanks for reading.And here is the rest of it.

How I spent last night:

We have some leaders coming into town to lead a Experiencing God seminar that will kick of like four months of Experiencing God bible studies in about nine churches in our association. So, it's a big to pretty big deal at the church. The leaders need a place to stay and my wife and I needed motivation to clean our apartment up. Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Take the jump to found out how I spent my night preparing for our visitors.

After we got married I was a whirling dervish of unpacking prowess. My wife was equally as impressive as myself, if not more. Then we hit the wall. We had unpacked everything and gotten piles of like items together. We just didn't have a place for everything. So it all set, in piles, in our apartment.

Then, about a week ago, we got the book shelf, from Big Lots. A few days ago I set it up, with the knowledge that we had visitors coming and needed to get a month of cleaning into a few days. The book shelf was the missing piece, we got our books out of boxes and our crap into those boxes and those boxes into the storage closet. We were making crazy good time.

Then we had to decorate, that's what I did last night, till three in the morning. I hung and positioned and hid things in ways that would make HGTV proud. The decoration part was easy if not never-ending. The thing that got me was this one wedding gift, a candle, a candle hurricane vase. We got two and the one in question was king of slowly deformed by heat and pressure in my car for a week.

Needless to say, I decided that my job was to fix this candle. It would be as simple as heating the wax and bending back the wonky portions. This process started at about ten o' clock and consumed me till my wife took the candle from me. That, by the way, was right before we went to bed.

I used a hairdryer first. I tried all three of the heat settings and both of the loudness settings. I did a good job of keeping the heat moving so as not to melt one spot more than another. Of course the goal isn't to melt anything, it's just to soften the half inch think wax. Fun fact, half inch think wax is the most obstinate substance on the plant. They should make tanks out of the stuff.

I gave up on the hairdryer, it was just melting the shiny outer layer. So I thought to myself, "Self, we're just addressing this one area, we need to heat the whole candle." So I put the candle in the oven. I was smart though and put it on the WM or warming setting. First I set it on it's base, which was silly because the pan I had set it on was heating up faster than the candle and melting the base. So I flipped it, but first noticed that the wax paper I had laid down was melting and spreading all over the pan. "No time for that I thought.", and proceeded to put the candle top down on the baking sheet. This did not return the results I had hoped for either.

The process I used during this whole experiment was to heat the candle then try and reshape it with my hands by pushing or pulling as I saw fit. I tell you that so you'll appreciate that I saw the first crack appear during this period of reshaping. The crack was about an inch and a half down the side and I thought I could just melt it closed. So I stood there with a lighter and tried to squeeze close the gap and hold the lighter close enough to make the wax melt.

This whole experiment didn't happen in a vacuum, my wife was there the whole time, being patient and stealing me away to carry something or clean something. But, I would always come back to the candle. Normally the pulling away process went something like this.

Jennie: "Chris, leave the candle alone. I need your help with this box/crate/heavy thing/llama."

Chris: "I can't right now, the candle is mocking me with it's rigidity!"

Jennie: "Chris! Let the candle go."

Chris: "Look at it! It's laughing at me! Do you want the candle to beat me? Do you ?!?"

Jennie: "No sweetheart, I don't want the candle to beat you. Just move this box/crate/heavy thing/llama."

Chris: (Wielding a knife at candle) "You won't beat me! We'll see who's the better man when I get back."

That went on for about 5 hours. My wife is so patient. It was at this point I tried the more holistic approach of letting a tiny tea light burn inside of the candle. I would come back ever 20 minutes or so to try and reshape the devil candle. I tried to watch the crack.

After about an hour and a half of slow roasting with the tea light, the wax got thin and I could feel it give. Of course I had to reach into the candle to adjust it and lava hot wax would cover my fingers. This was a matter of my manhood. The candle was mocking me.

I would move the candle a little and step away. Slowly it started to give up it's bend. Then I noticed the other crack. Then I noticed the other crack. Then I noticed the other crack. I had effectively torn the candle to pieces while feeling good about the movement I was creating. I was crushed. I had taken a bent but still attractive candle and turned it into my own Frankenstein's candle. I told Jennie I could fix it, but she just held me, wiped my tears and told me that it was OK and I had tried real hard.

If you come by the apartment, the candle is on display, on the bottom right hand shelf of the book case. We've hidden my Hannibal Lecter style desecration of the candle as best we can. I've started processing the valuable lesson I learned that night and I'm pretty sure it has something to do with what I have as a priority or something like that. Maybe it's more about my focus. Maybe the big lesson is that you've got to just throw out some junk sometimes instead of wasting time trying to fix it.

Or maybe it's that I'm not a candle repair expert, and shouldn't try things I don't know how to do when ruination of the object I'm trying to repair in a possibility.

Spoo From The Vaults:

A year ago my sister in law was getting married. I was originally going to be the officiant at their wedding. Because of silly laws I was unable to perform those duties, which is a blessing as I have since then performed my first wedding and it made me more nervous than I've ever been. . . ever. Either way, it was a beautiful wedding and I've since then become her brother-in-law and love being married. All of this to say, I didn't have any good content to put up and I've been thinking about how awesome my wife is.

It's a good life.

Take a gander by following this link to the old article. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed living it. And here is the rest of it.

Batman: The Dark Hype

I think this little video sarcastically sums up my thoughts on the ridiculousness surrounding TDK. I'm getting tired of nine year olds pretending to be the joker.

And here is the rest of it.

Et tu Bethany Dillon?

Ever heard of her? She's the 19 year old singer/songwriter who can bowl you over with her insights into the human heart and them put them into a stunning song. You can check her out here. My wife is a huge fan, let's put it this way, if it was between me and her, I would just barely win. I kid of course (I hope), but she is a very talented young woman who has ministered greatly to my wife.

So, all week long we'd been tossing around the idea of going to Mt. Bethel to see BD, that's what Jennie calls her.  We finally make the decision to spend the $400 in gas to make the trip and we get there.


BD comes out on stage and I keep thinking that she's no older than some of my youth. She's very young looking. I can't get past that, especially as she's saying very adult things about God. She's talking about her pride and jealousy, while referencing scripture. Eloquently she makes us laugh at the crappiness of our hearts and long for God to restore our relationship with Him.

Then she starts to talk about a story that I love. It's the story of a king who goes bat crap crazy. How can you not love a story about a man running around in the woods eating grass? Of course that's pretty much where I stop with that story and chalk it up to God showing people he can make them go nuts. Not Bethany, nope, she reads on and see that this is a story about the power God has to humble. Yet again God finds a way to make humility a focus in my life.

I thank God that he can humble me and that He is humbling me. I thank God that He isn't making me a wild jungleman who eats grass. Continue to pray for me as I am tested each day it seems with new ways to express humility.   Pray with me that I will not be one who walks in pride.  Also, below is the link to the story.

The story of King Nebucharaaazzy.

A refreshed view of humility:

I have new responsibilities. I'm going to be part of the music ministry at my church in the absence of a music minister. I won't be playing drums or doing anything I've done before. I'll be leading the congregational singing. I'll be standing in front of my church family singing songs I don't know very well, feeling very naked.

My last post touched on the humility that God seemed to be crafting, forcefully, in me. I think in no small part it's because I am going to be in a front and center position and my church is compliment happy. There are no two ways about it, at least at first, I'm going to be told I'm doing a good job. That can pretty easily get to a guys head and make it swell up.

What's the secret to avoiding this? It's found right in the book of Romans.

"For by the grace given to me, I tell everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he should think. Instead, think sensibly, as God has distributed a measure of faith to each one." (Rom. 12:3)

God's humbling of a person is essentially this, taking the preconceptions you have about yourself and smashing them. It's a lot like the fun houses I went in at the fair. Tons of mirrored walls reflecting your image oddly. God's humbling process is like shattering those mirrors, because they made you think you were something that you aren't. Except the Fun House mirrors made you "uglier", the mirrors that God shatters make you look better, at least to yourself.

Humility is God removing the things that made you count anything other than the grace you've been given as merit. It's my prayer that God continues to shatter the mirrors that show me distorted versions of myself and that I remain joyous every time he uses someone to do it.

There is no jump for this one. And here is the rest of it.

I get it, I get it. . .

Lately it seems like things have been flooding me that attack my ego and pride. Which is a good thing, but a painful thing, none the less. I'm trying to handle things graciously and not turn to myself out of pity. MY prayer right now is that I draw near to God for my worth and that I follow His purpose in all of this. I could easily, read very very easily, get defensive and puffed up. Pray with me that I'll embrace the humbling that is occurring and that I use it to be a better minister, husband and child of God.

I am lazy, prideful and selfish. God is changing that. I am repentant. It feels good to ride the wave and not get beaten by it. He'll break me down and I'm on board, just pray that I don't become weary or defensive. Gracias.And here is the rest of it.

Inviting Christ and the Groove into your heart.

Before my wedding I splurged on what has turned out to be a good purchase. In my last gasp of bachelor spending I bought a double disk of David Crowder at Lifeway for like ten bucks. Great songs, all in all a really good pick up, especially for the price. The "Lime" disk was in my car this morning on the way to work and I was listening to a little of each song, till "Sing like the saved" came on. That song reminded me a college and leading worship. So I stopped and basked in the warm limey glow of Mr. Crowder and is Rock and Roll band.

Traveling down the country roads where I live and work allows a certain level of concentration to be given to other tasks that would normally be involved because of other cars or braking. This trip I got to focus on that song. You know what I heard. I head the bass line for "Dee Lites" - Groove is in the heart. If you grew up in the 90's this song was on your "School's Out, Let's Party" mixtape.

To help you out I've included a video of both Mr. Crowder and Dee Lite performing the songs in question. After the jump, listen to the Dee-lite one first, you'll hear the bass line easy. Then one minute in to the David Crowder video you can really hear it.

Crass plagiarism or secretive hero worship? Which one is it Mr. Crowder?

Bonus Points if you know the name of the well dressed bassist in the Dee-Lite video.

I'm married:

I am going on my honeymoon to Mexico in a few days. But, my shiny new wife and I had a lil' honeymoon and stopped in on the giant whale sharks at the Georgia Aquarium. I'll post pictures. You should all get married. It's pretty awesome. And here is the rest of it.

Update:

I can still beat X-Men vs. Street Fighter on one quarter. If you'll give me a quarter I'll prove it to you. Actually, if you could just give me a quarter, I have to pay for my caterer soon.And here is the rest of it.

High Quality Pictures:

Of Unattractive things. Take the jump to see them.

I got a brand new phone with a fancy-pants camera. I took pictures of things that are unattractive, like left over food and my big toe. Mind you, I took these pictures without considering I might put them online later. So, they are kind of gross.

Me n' Chuck

So, here's a picture of me and my buddy Chuck Norris. This was shot when I was an extra on his movie Invasion USA. I also want to point out that I was pretty adorable. Take the jump to see me and "Uncle Chuck".



I'm not going to lie. He was really nice to everyone. Also, don't miss how short my shorts were. That was apparently pretty common for the time as every other picture of me at that age was in short-shorts. My mom just thought it was a crime to not share my super hot five year old legs with the world.

Company Seeking Investors:

We've all been at a place in life where we've said to ourselves, "I would love to get Lasik surgery done on my eyes, but I'm so nervous around doctors." Well friend, you are in luck. Starting today you can perform Lasik from the saftey of your own living room. I hear you, "What about all those horrible doctors with their lobster claws and their tendency to steal my organs?" Doctors are a thing of the past so you have nothing to worry about, you see, this is Lasik@home. Take the jump for the Link and some more thoughts.

Lasik@Home

And I quote: "LASIK@Home is the same patented surgical procedure performed at eye clinics around the world, but without the unnecessary equipment and staff."

I'm sorry, the doctors at least seem important to me. I know I missed them when I tried to use my appendectomy in a box. For those of you that don't know much about Lasik, it's a procedure that is so intense that they often give the receiver heavy duty muscle relaxers just to get them through it. At any point during the surgery you can have parts of your eye being cut open or burned with a laser. Thank goodness I can finally do it at home, between dropping the kids of at swim practice and starting that roast.

Why Didn't The Reformed Theologian Cross The Road?

I thought theses were all pretty funny and it's nice to be reminded of how we are viewed every now and then. Even if you aren't Reformed you can probably spin these to your personal theology.

Top ten reasons why the Reformed Theologian did not cross the road:

10. A woman already crossed, and he would be in sin if he followed

9. The road is not safe if it wasn’t built between 1500-1700 AD

8. He believes that “road crossing” has ceased

7. The crossing guard was only helping people cross from one side, so he suspiciously thought he was denying double pre-destination

6. Romans 9 says nothing about crossing roads

5. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral

4. The road was called Tiber Ave

3. John Wesley said that God’s prevenient grace would pave the way, but he had to take the steps himself

2. He wasn’t elected to cross before the foundation of the road

1. Piper said that God is most glorified when we are most satisfied where we are

HT (Vitamin Z) No Jump on this one.
And here is the rest of it.

I have a real problem with faith healers:

I believe they are all scam artists. There are people who tell me they've seen miraculous things and there is even a ministry in Florida that has supposedly raised 8 people from the dead and is healing sight and hearing nightly. I just don't believe a bit of it. Christ said that people have had signs and now they won't lead people to Himself. I am in no way saying that God can't do miraculous things. He can, He does and He will always be causing miraculous things, like giving a world full of sinners one more day when all they'll use it for is to blaspheme the one who gave it to them.

Here's some video evidence of why I really dislike Faith Healers, particularly the tv kind. Take the jump.

Is hell unloving?

I got to travel with my fiance to Birmingham, Alabama the other night. We went to see some of her old students graduate from high school. They had over sold the event and it was standing room only. So we left and I got an ICEE. ICEE's are so good.

The night really boiled down to six hours of driving for twenty minutes of picture taking. Although one of the girls did give Jennie a paper that she wrote about her. That was very touching. All that to say, I had some time to think on the way home while Jennie slept. Take the jump.



Jennie was precious on the way up, promising me that she would stay awake because she new she was taking a half day and could stay up. I, of course, new better and prepared myself to drive home. I got a chance to listen to the debate between Gene Cook Jr. (Host of the Narrow Mind podcast) and the very nice atheist Professor, Neal Basham. They debated whether God existed, in an hour, plenty of time. Seriously though, I did enjoy it and both sides gave interesting arguments.

Dr. Basham's credentials coming into the debate apparently hinged on a paper he wrote as it was brought up several times. In the paper he posited that God lies to us in a loving way, to save people. Basham more or less said, Hell is a lie to scare us into a relationship with God so that we can become good people.

I hadn't heard that before. It's nice to hear something new every now and then. What struck me was the idea that Hell is unjust and unloving. Which God me thinking about how Dr. Basham could have misunderstood what seems plain in scripture to me.

The idea of it being unjust is easy to cover. It's unjust if you don't view yourself in light of an objective source of absolution. God being that pinnacle leaves us always coming up short of taking the first step toward attaining that absolute good. So, Hell is just because no one deserves heaven. No one is like God. No one goes to Heaven. Hell is just and reasonable in the Christian world view.

When Dr. Basham brought up the idea that God is love and loving to his family, in an attempt to save them - it got me thinking. How is Hell loving? Is God love even unto those whom go to Hell? I don't jive with the idea of "God loves you all the way to Hell". I lean Calvinist. God's Sovereign, he doesn't watch hopefully as you flit about Him.

So, Hell is a part of God's sovereignty. How is that part of His loving decree? It made me think, and without going to scripture I rode home with that in my mind. I wasn't about to say that God stops being love for some reason. He is what He is, and that left me with trying to figure out how Hell could be loving.

It made me think about how God could be loving and have His part in people going to hell. I mean, if it's not God it's sin and if it's not heaven it's Hell so how could God's creation of Hell ever be considered a loving act? Now, I want to hear what other people have to say about this, but let me tell you where I ended up.


Christ calls us to hate our mothers and family, that scripture has been belabored and everyone basically says, "Well . . . it doesn't really mean hate so much as love God so much that your love for others would be like hate." It can seem a bit convoluted, and that verse alone deserves more than a sentence, but it sets up where I'm coming from. Hell is a loving response when you consider the other option, an eternity in front of God. "But, Chris, won't I have an eternity in front of God?"

The answer is, YES! Thankfully/Hopefully you'll be in front of Him as a son or daughter co-inheritors with Christ. Imagine what would happen if those that God considered His enemies could never escape from Him. I believe Hell would be nothing compared to the constant, aggressive, pro-active vengeance and wrath that would fall on that person for eternity. The enemy of God would beg for hell.

Now, this is just me bumbling around on a road trip and shouldn't be taken as my personal theology as I haven't compared it too deeply to scripture or spent more than a few hours thinking about it. Although, it is fair to say that the whole argument falls apart when you take into account the fact that Hell is the absence of God. So you couldn't have Hell in his presence. Just some thoughts and I'd love to hear what you think!

Coming Clean:

I have to be honest with all of you and admit that I haven't done my duty as a Southern Baptist. Please, respect that I have my reasons and that I am prayerfully seeking council on this issue. I haven't read "The Purpose Driven Life".

Forgive me.

Maybe there is and maybe there isn't a jump?

However will I find my purpose?

Update: 3D Woodcraft

Well, I finally got a chance to talk to the guys at 3D Woodcraft and they were very apologetic. They informed me that they had to hire new staff because they were so busy they couldn't answer phones. The order was also so late because of their over blown orders. They promised me that they were caught up and moving at normal pace. So I placed another oder with them.

Sure enough they completed my order and got in touch with me to see if they wanted me to pick them up or have them shipped.

They did a full 180 as far as their customer service is concerned. The product was a hit once I got it, but they did have real bad customer srevice. All that is cleared up and I would recommend 3D Woodcraft to anyone if they are able to keep things moving like they are now.And here is the rest of it.

3D Woodcraft is a lame company:

There is no need for a jump with this post. I just want everyone to know that 3D Woodcraft is lame. It took them a month to send me 3 wooden letters. Why did I need 3 wooden letters? Because they will be used at my wedding reception on the tables as decorative elements on the tables. It took a month for them to send them out after I paid for them.

I called them at least 3 times and wrote them an email requesting for them to give me any idea about what was going on with my order that was a month old. They never got in touch with me. They never called me nor did they ever email me. If the letters work, Jennie and I will use the font and letter size as a template for some other wood cutting company.

Fun fact: The answering machine at 3D Woodcraft told me I was a valued customer every time I called. Boo on 3D Woodcraft. . .boooooooo.And here is the rest of it.

April's Best Song:

I may catch some heat for this, but I think that the video after the Jump is the best song to come out this month and it's nestled in a very good album. If you liked the first CD but wished it sounded more like a 50's soul album then you're in luck! While it is a really enjoyable CD, with Cee-Lo dropping bits of spirituality, (About which I may look at more deeply. I said spirituality, not Christianity, don't flame me.)I don't think it has anything on the live show. I desperately want to see them live.

Gnarls Barkley - Run [Live @ SNL]
by Get-Me-Bodied

Or you might like to hear the album version via their spot on spoof of all things late 80's Soul Train.

WARNING! ! !

If you are prone to seizures, don't watch this.

WARNING! ! !

Justin Timberlake is in the video.

"Gangsta Rap Didn't Exist":

Here's three options for who said the above quote.

Option 1 - Alicia Keys

Option 2 - Jesse Jackson

Option 3 - Calvin "Snoopy Double-D-O-G" Brodus

Take the leap to find out the answer.



Drum roll please. . .and the answer is. . .Alicia Keys. You can find The Huffington Post's article about the interview here. Here's a highlight. Remember that this is all second hand. I wasn't able to find the actual article online. I'll try to keep this as much about her quotes as possible.

Gangsta rap' was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. Gangsta rap' didn't exist.

The article then touched on another of her beliefs.

Another of her theories: That the bi-coastal feud between slain rappers Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G. was fueled "by the government and the media, to stop another great black leader from existing."

I read this article and was genuinely shocked on a few levels. On one level I was shocked that anyone was still taking their leadings from The Black Panthers, a group notorious for their hate. I always pegged Keys for being a bit of a Urban Hippie. Secondly, I'm surprised at how tame her fans have been about this whole thing. There's mostly a "Hey, be cool, she wouldn't say that" kind of vibe.

As far as the "Gangsta Rap" thing goes. As music is a reflector of society I have to say that the labels that paid them, Death Row for example, were in it for the money, not for political positioning. As far as the government taking away great black leaders, Barack Obama. I guess we need to better understand what she expects from a strong black leader. Something more violent, like a Black Panther?

What's it mean in the end?

She's a celebrity, she is a super talented musician, and she is just as flawed as the rest of us. Check the article out and let me know what it makes you think about. Is there a clear scripture link here?

This man just caused a space time anomaly:

My name is Steve, I've been an active participatory member of my church now for about 6 years. I'm up for a deacon position. I guess you could say I'm a man of faith. Sure, I've got my fair share of sins. But, I'm really, really. . .really trying to get a handle on them.

I've decided that I shouldn't come out and share them with the pastor or my church. Some of them are sexual, you know, dirty sexual and that just wouldn't go well, what with me an up and coming deacon. I mean, what if word got around to my daughter what I do and how I think, she'd be mortified. Not to mention what it would do to her status in the CGFBBAC (Collegiate Grace Filled Bible Believers Awesome Club), of which she is secretary.

Nope, I can handle all this on my own. This is my cross to bear. I have accountability. I talk directly to God, He keeps me accountable. I see no reasons to confess my sins before other people when I can confess them before God. . .or on national television.

Oh, James 5:16, really, it says that?

Watch the video after

It's official:

I've decided I'm boycotting China's Olympic Games. I think I'll also be boycotting any games held in America as well. Heck, I can't think of any place that really should hold games centered on the ideals of good will towards men. Maybe Canada, except, it's full of Canadians. No offense Canadian readers!

And here is the rest of it.

Great Quote:

I was reading an article over at PastorHacks and read this awesome statement, which will most certainly be used/stolen by me. Take the Jump to check out a snippet from the article and a few of my thoughts.

It doesn't take mailers, banners, and Cirque Du Soleil every week. Just a bunch of loving, welcoming Christ followers. People who genuinely care. People who are seeking relationships with other people, and sharing life with them. A competent all-community gathering where things work well so as not to be a distraction from what God wants to do that morning, sure... but less of a focus on Sunday mornings as the center of community and more of a focus on the community and its revolving around Jesus Himself.

I remain convinced that what we win people with, we win them to.

Am I wrong in thinking there is a lot of truth to that? Isn't that the entire argument about seeker sensitive churches? What is the real focus? We can say it's Christ, but what is the lure for the unregenerate? If it's health, wealth and an more fulfilled life. Then we've more than likely reinforced those things as their god.

So, what is your church winning people with?

Just watch this:

Weiner Poopie.

STOP IT!

I've regularly referenced this video when talking about the way that I council my youth. I'm joking of course. The thing is the video gets taken down pretty quick so I never have a good way to share with the world just how hilarious it is. Check it out after the jump. Also, Tim Challies pontificates on the deeper meaning of it. I just think it's funny.

Sunday's Comin'!

This might be a day late if you are gonna be a jerk about it, but I think it is a non-cheeseball video that really dramatizes Christ's death, burial and resurrection. I had heard the sermon before, but the video just stuffs Almonds in my Mounds. I like it. After the

(HT to Vitamin Z, and a bunch of other people.)

Wiister Sunday:

Check this out and tell me if you don't have a slight tingle of jealousy or heresy.

Boxing with Jesus or "Wiisus".

(HT to Kamp Krusty)

IgnoreAnd here is the rest of it.

Say What?!?

This is the look I got when my mom was upset with me.

Dramatic Lemur

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Ignore

Things you should know!

After the jump I'm going to give you some words of advice about your feet that I learned from my feet and tuxedo renting pointers. I know, it doesn't sound that exciting. You're already on my blog, it's not like you have something better to do. Take the jump.

Today, I was very productive. As I finished meeting with the people who will be making the cupcakes for my wedding I had a sense of Stewart Smalley-esque self awareness (I'm good enough, smart enough, and dog-gone-it. . .people like me). I realized that I was being constructive and doing something proactive towards my wedding day. We will be getting the sample cupcakes and KEY LIME PIE TARTLETTES, which I'm "pee my pants" excited about, on Tuesday. Did I mention my grooms cake is about 150 mini key lime pies? Well, it is.

After the glorious victory that was the bakery, my fiance and I went to look at tuxedos. The day actually themed around me from about 11 AM till 3:30 PM, I have the most patient fiance ever. We picked out a very exciting ensemble for myself and my groomsmen only to get a price just a cinch too high. Never fear though, we're looking into other options. I have to be honest though, I'm not as excited about the other options, as viable as they may be.

While Jennie listened to Gillen, our Tuxedo guru, who complemented me on my choices, give out the odds and ends bits of info about online muckery I pretended that the check card swiper was a time machine and would tell Jennie wear in time I was going then act it out. I went and saw the dinosaurs, the emotional response was fear and awe, much like when angels appear in scripture. The next stop on my time travel was to the roaring 20's as I dreamed of getting married in a Zoot Suit with matching hat and cane. Lastly I stopped off in 4 AD, I told Jennie that we had just missed Jesus, because I'm retarded and can't keep up with a logical progression of time. Time travel will do that to you.

Clearly I meant to say 34 AD, give or take about 3 years. I did have a moment of honest introspection about time traveling and landing only moments after Christ's ascension. Not that I wouldn't like to meet me some Apostle's, but it's just not even a fair fight. Did I mention that I have the most patient fiance in the world?

Back in the car I took off my shoes as we headed over to what would be one of three, yes three, shoes stores we visited. While I had my shoes off I got bored and acted out a Telemundo style soap opera with my feet. The gist of it was that Raymundo had been two timing with Hector's wife. I thought it was very clever of me to have the yell, "You Sock!" at one another in fits of socky rage. Did I mention I have the most patient fiance in the world?

At the first shoe store I had to learn the basics of shoe shopping as I have been working my way through the garbage bags full of bargain shoes my Uncle Harold gave me . . . three years age. I found a nice pair of Skechers, I'll get a picture up soon. What I really wanted was a pair of running shoes, to lose 10 pounds (I believe that is "one stone" in ancient Viking measurements) in the home stretch before the wedding. I failed at finding one pair that would fit me. This continued on for two more stores and nearly an hour and a half.

I was a bit shattered. How can I be smack in the center of the heart of excess and not be able to find a pair of size 12 wide shoes that don't look like they'd be used in a retirement home during the monthly game of bed pan hockey (Colostomy Bags vs. Pee). So, if you have size 12 feet and they are either ridiculously wide or birth defect small, then you're in luck. If you have normal size 12 feet and want comfortable attractive running shoes, you'll have to find a special freakish foot covering boutique in China Town to come up with something. Either way, I got the Skechers. Did I mention my fiance is the most patient woman in the world?

Sad Falcon's News:

With all of the excitement and hullabaloo that is surrounding the new coaching situation in the dirty south, I expected some players I liked to go, but in the back of my head hoped that they'd never let Warrick Dunn go. They did, take the jump.


I loved Warrick from way back during his days with Tampa. He was my height and about my size and attacked defenses like those big 6'3" 220lb backs. He was inspired on the field and an inspiration off of it. Dunn started a organization to help purchase and furnish homes for needy single parents. Having lost his mother at a young age he understood what it meant when someone helped a single parent. It's nice to see an athlete who doesn't cause trouble and who helps more than he hurts the community.

"The legacy he leaves in Atlanta will be long-remembered and appreciated by his fellow players, fans and the community," Atlanta owner Arthur Blank said. "In my mind, Warrick will always be part of the Falcons family."

What a legacy it is, the 22nd back to rush for 10,000 yards. A humble champion for the needy. The man will be greatly missed, by me if no one else. I'll still wear my Dunn jersey during the games. I have to admit though, that if he goes to another team, I'll have a new second favorite team. If he retires I'll tell my kids about the little running back who could.

Welcome to Spootopia:

That's the Spootopian flag. Fly it if you wish to pass safely through these here blogging waters or if you wish to show yourself friendly to the Spootopian cause.

The Phyllobate Terribilis is the most poisonous frog in the world. It has enough toxin to kill up to 10 humans,or even 20,000 mice! This frog is considered the most poisonous animal in the world. If you were to take poison from this frog, equal to the size of the period at the end of this sentence, it would be enough to kill a full grown human.

You're either with us or you're against us.

My Musical Protege:

Please keep in mind that I've only been working with Stanley for a little while. I really feel like he's going to be something special if he will just put the time into practice. Of course, I'm not the best guitar player in the world so I know at some point he'll need a better teacher. Take the jump to check out my pupil. I taught him everything he knows.



I'm proud of him.

P.S. How about that bass player? He's just as sick as Jordan. Stanley Jordan is a freak.

He's not a terrorist:

My friend Andrew over at Call To Die, has decided to give his 10 cents and throw his hat into the realm of politics. Andrew addresses the present presidential election in the case of one candidate and hinges it on what he believes to be the most important issue facing moral human beings today. You can read his article here.

Andrew also blogs over at Strange Baptist Fire, who some of you may remember drove readers here and sparked a rowdy discussion about the Pope.

After the jump I'm going to take a look at Barack Obama and something that has been bothering me. It's not about him, in fact this won't have much to do with politics, although nothing I say should be taken as support for him as president.

Barack Hussein Obama is not a terrorist. Saddam Hussein is not Barack Hussein Obama. They share a common name, but I believe they differ greatly on most other pertinent issues. For example, Barack Hussein Obama is running for President of the United States of America. Saddam Hussein is dead. That's just one of the many differences.

I've received a few emails at this point reminding me not to vote for the hell-soaked devil party. The most recent actually started out telling me why a Muslim could never make a good President. I read it and saw what it was getting at. The whole things was really ham fisted and seemed like a reach, but then I got to the bottom. Where I was shown that the point wasn't to show the superiority of the Christian world view, it was to cripple Barack Hussein Obama's presidential bid. Sheew. . .and I almost voted for him. Thanks email.

Here's the last part of the email.

Therefore after much study and deliberation, perhaps we
should be very suspicious of ALL MUSLIMS in this country.
They obviously cannot be both "good" Muslims and good Americans.
Call it what you wish; it's still the truth.
You had better believe it.
The more who understand this, the better it will be for our
country and our future. The
religious war is bigger than we know or understand.

And Barack Hussein Obama, a Muslim, wants to be our President?

You HAVE to be kidding?! Wake up America!

Obama even says if he wins the election, he will be sworn in on the
Quran (Koran)---not the Bible!

Quick point, yes, you can be a good American and be a good Muslim. Just like you can be a good American and be a non-Christian. I think the idea is that you can't be a good American and blow up American buildings. That statement seems more valid.

Alright, so one more quick point. I remember reading about a period when it was healthy to be suspicious of every person who looked Asian. I was born from parents who were raised around the McCarthy era. I myself snuck in at the tail end of the Cold War. Is it really healthy to be suspicious of every Muslim? Probably just as healthy as thinking every, single male who looks creepy is a child molester.

The big print is what bothers me, not because of the bold political statement it's making. But, because it's completely untrue, Barack Hussein Obama is not a Muslim. Keith Ellison is a Muslim. Keith Ellison was sworn in on the Quran. Barack Hussein Obama is in fact a long standing member of the Church of Christ. While they are a bit liberal for my taste I would hardly call them an Islamic organization.

Barack Hussein Obama is not a terrorist. If you are a Christian, please stop telling me that you and I should not vote for him because he won't swear in on the Bible. If he wins, he will be sworn in on his own personal Bible, most likely. If you don't want to vote for Obama, make it because of something worth noting, like his pro-choice stance or any number of policy related issues. If you are going to vote for Obama, make it for something other than trying to be a part of the group who voted in the first African American president. Stop wasting time with trivial garbage.

Finally, I don't remember us declaring a religion war. Though, that's not really Americas style anymore is it?

Let's focus on the adoration of our Heavenly Father to the point where it spills over into our daily lives causing any effect in our surroundings. You can start by praying and reading during the time you'd normally spend worrying about politics.

Wake up America.

Also, here's the Snopes article on all this hot mess.

You bettah work!

The heading for this post, as drawn from the Rupaul song "Supermodel", might sound like a call for girl power if you grew up in the 90's. But, to me, as a full time youth minister in a rural area, it sounds like tragedy. I have plenty of youth who are completely unaware that they are throwing away the only period of their life where they can genuinely focus solely on Christ and building relationships.

Neo-Baptist, a blog I just recently found, posted an article written by a "pastoral colleague" on the dangers of work for Christian youth. Check it out after the jump and don't leave without giving your opinion.

My pastoral colleague wrote this piece on what he thinks the real issue facing Christian youth is. See what you think:

“What’s the biggest issue facing our youth in church these days? Is it the menace of drugs or the lure of sex and alcohol? Could it be that great struggle to maintain a devotional time with God each day? Could it be the struggle for acceptance, which forces young people to give into peer pressure and compromise their beliefs? No!

I believe it’s the economy. That’s right; when I was young I had a part time job that took up a sum total of 3 hours on a Thursday night. I started that job when I was in grade 11 and didn’t get another job until university. I earned the massive total of $60 per month!!! But guess what, I had a life!!! That’s right, I was able to play sport and hang out with friends. I attended youth group and I was a leader in the Boys Brigade.

I had a mentor who would do an hour bible study with me each week and I attended a small group. I volunteered in all types of events and even went on camps. Despite not being the best student, I managed to work hard enough to get an OP that was consistent with my academic intelligence. You see I put God first in my life and Money second. Every time I put on an event at church these days I am met with the worst reason ever for non-attendance….. ‘I have to work’.

Guess what: you do have to work - you will be working for 50 years! Having a part-time job is great, but if it stops you from serving God and growing in your faith then it just isn’t worth it. Parents will look after your basic needs, so what’s the point in missing out on fun and friendship, just so you can own an extra pair of shoes or some nice sunglasses.

When I look back on my high school years, a smile creeps across my face, why, because of all the great times I had. I love life now as well, but a big reason for that is because I grew a strong relationship with God while I was young.

In Matthew 6:25-34 Jesus tells us not to worry about the material things in life, but to put God first. Jesus even attaches a promise to that, he says that when we put God first, all the other parts of life will fall into balance.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

So, if you want a great life, make sure that part-time job never comes between you and God!”

Just so you know:

27

How many can you take out?

Ignore

(Worship = x)

Solve for X.

There has been a bit of friendly discussion going on over at the Fide-O blog. The topic, worship. The questions have gently bounced around what could be called pentecostal practices. Though they have never bashed them and if anything have asked why they are labeled when the actions are promoted in the Bible. Scott Hill posted his response under the title, "Go and Worship". Here's something that really jumped out at me.

"I really don't know when or how we began to get a deformed view of worship, but I do know that the minute worship became something we get or somewhere we go instead of something we do, we have moved out of the biblical model of corporate worship. Bob Kaulfin said the moment we believe that if we do “X” then it will produce worship we have become idolaters."

As a youth minister sometimes I feel like I'm expected to make idolaters. That people are asking me why I'm not driving teens to the newest and best form of idolatry. Unfortunately, if I look at my ministry I have to realize that I've slipped into that mold of idolatry myself. Whether I was trying to repeat results or give my teens what someone else has, I've made form more important than the function.

What are your thoughts?

Go read the rest of the article here.

Ignore

Sound Method

There are moments where I really pat myself on the back. In those moments the sweeping reality of my fallibility comes crashing down with double the intensity of my initial back patting glee. It's right in those moments that the chunk of my brain solely devoted to pessimism kicks on and reminds me of home much work I have left to do. I'm a youth minister. I'm a youth minister at an average sized(nationally, not according to the media)Southern Baptist church. Thankfully, my church is nestled inside a relatively untouched pastoral area. It's beautiful, but not much happens.

I've never had to drive into town before, now I do. Unfortunately for my youth, they are nestled in a relatively untouched pastoral area. Unless they dig Gospel music singings, which have their own charm, my youth are out of luck on the music scene. So, I got a wild hair that I would bring in a quality group. The only problem is I would have to find a quality group that wants to play within a average size Southern Baptist budget.

This is where the back patting comes into play. I got a call one day from these guys, Sound Method. As good as they are the price feels like I'm stealing from them. Check them out. They one of the newest Signees with Fidelity Music and I genuinely expect to be saying, I had them at my church just before they "Made it".

Check out their music, maybe buy a CD, if you are anywhere near Cartersville, GA. make sure you do not miss this show. March 1st, doors open at 7, tickets are $5 before hand and $10 at the door. Here's the crazy part, each ticket you buy enters you into a drawing for a $75 pre-paid Visa card.

Easy money and good music sounds like quite a happy couple. There isn't a jump to take. Just mark your calendars for the show.

And here is the rest of it.

Dance Monkey, Dance:

The little kid in this video gets played by, what I have to assume, is a family member and more particularly, his father. After watching the video and chuckling at the start, I thought to myself, "I'm going to be a horrible father." Then when things go south I realized that I was no longer laughing and felt really bad for the kid. My belief in my parenting potential went right back up.

I mean. . .I'd never do this to my kid. . .seriously. . .really. Would you? Take the Jump.



Seriously, would you still do this to your kid or any kid? I would like a genuine response. I mean, I might, but not now. That's genuine, grade A, terror.

Industry Could Not Save His Finger:

My grandfather, on my fathers side, was a very tall man. He was largely Native American. That makes me twice removed largely Native American. I believe that people with a healthy dose of Native American in them, better than %60, have an incredibly high tolerance for pain. Maybe it's ancestral, passed down genetically with the knowledge that the boys will become men and the men will be warriors.

My grandfather was a farmer. He farmed the UGA dairy farm and quite a few other farms as a share cropper. My dad was raised on these farms. All of this is a post in and of itself for a later time. The real story is that my grandfather cut his finger off while working in the garden on a spring afternoon.

Instead of going to the hospital, he picked it up off the ground, tucked the nub into his shirt pocket, and went back to gardening. Eventually my dad came outside and freaked out, rightfully so. He got to the hospital, but it was too late for the finger. If only they had trowels with the technology in the videos after the jump for . Take the jump.




And the technology behind it.




R.I.P. Pepa, I hope you got your finger back.