After the jump I'm going to give you some words of advice about your feet that I learned from my feet and tuxedo renting pointers. I know, it doesn't sound that exciting. You're already on my blog, it's not like you have something better to do. Take the jump.
Today, I was very productive. As I finished meeting with the people who will be making the cupcakes for my wedding I had a sense of Stewart Smalley-esque self awareness (I'm good enough, smart enough, and dog-gone-it. . .people like me). I realized that I was being constructive and doing something proactive towards my wedding day. We will be getting the sample cupcakes and KEY LIME PIE TARTLETTES, which I'm "pee my pants" excited about, on Tuesday. Did I mention my grooms cake is about 150 mini key lime pies? Well, it is.
After the glorious victory that was the bakery, my fiance and I went to look at tuxedos. The day actually themed around me from about 11 AM till 3:30 PM, I have the most patient fiance ever. We picked out a very exciting ensemble for myself and my groomsmen only to get a price just a cinch too high. Never fear though, we're looking into other options. I have to be honest though, I'm not as excited about the other options, as viable as they may be.
While Jennie listened to Gillen, our Tuxedo guru, who complemented me on my choices, give out the odds and ends bits of info about online muckery I pretended that the check card swiper was a time machine and would tell Jennie wear in time I was going then act it out. I went and saw the dinosaurs, the emotional response was fear and awe, much like when angels appear in scripture. The next stop on my time travel was to the roaring 20's as I dreamed of getting married in a Zoot Suit with matching hat and cane. Lastly I stopped off in 4 AD, I told Jennie that we had just missed Jesus, because I'm retarded and can't keep up with a logical progression of time. Time travel will do that to you.
Clearly I meant to say 34 AD, give or take about 3 years. I did have a moment of honest introspection about time traveling and landing only moments after Christ's ascension. Not that I wouldn't like to meet me some Apostle's, but it's just not even a fair fight. Did I mention that I have the most patient fiance in the world?
Back in the car I took off my shoes as we headed over to what would be one of three, yes three, shoes stores we visited. While I had my shoes off I got bored and acted out a Telemundo style soap opera with my feet. The gist of it was that Raymundo had been two timing with Hector's wife. I thought it was very clever of me to have the yell, "You Sock!" at one another in fits of socky rage. Did I mention I have the most patient fiance in the world?
At the first shoe store I had to learn the basics of shoe shopping as I have been working my way through the garbage bags full of bargain shoes my Uncle Harold gave me . . . three years age. I found a nice pair of Skechers, I'll get a picture up soon. What I really wanted was a pair of running shoes, to lose 10 pounds (I believe that is "one stone" in ancient Viking measurements) in the home stretch before the wedding. I failed at finding one pair that would fit me. This continued on for two more stores and nearly an hour and a half.
I was a bit shattered. How can I be smack in the center of the heart of excess and not be able to find a pair of size 12 wide shoes that don't look like they'd be used in a retirement home during the monthly game of bed pan hockey (Colostomy Bags vs. Pee). So, if you have size 12 feet and they are either ridiculously wide or birth defect small, then you're in luck. If you have normal size 12 feet and want comfortable attractive running shoes, you'll have to find a special freakish foot covering boutique in China Town to come up with something. Either way, I got the Skechers. Did I mention my fiance is the most patient woman in the world?
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