People Watching In A Target Parking Lot:

I don't like going shopping.  I love being with my wife which makes it tough when she wants to go shopping.  Yesterday I was met with that conundrum.  I decided I'd go with her and we'd take the dog because she spends most of Sunday in her crate (cue the animal cruelty protests).  Matilda, Me and the wife all hop in the car and head to Target.  When we got there Jennie asked me if I wanted to go in or stay in the car with Matilda.

She married me knowing that I have the attention span of a coked up squirrel.  So, when she has to take a minute and a half to pick out what toothpaste she wants I will just wander off to the video game section or start causing a scene.  So, when she asked me if I wanted to stay in the car, I don't think it was entirely benevolent on her part.  I think she imagined having to shop while babysitting me.

So, it was a win-win for everyone.  I stayed in the car with Matilda and Jennie got frustration free shopping done.  What happened while we were sitting in the car was actually kind of interesting.

He looked nothing like this.

First a Latino family came by speaking spanish and I could tell that this confused Matilda.  Being the good Dogfather that I am, I explained that they were speaking a language that we don't use around the house.  I told her that if she was interested I could start teaching her phrases like, "Where is the bathroom?", "Who is the pretty new girl?" and "There is a cat in my pants."  When I felt like she didn't have anymore questions I checked the Amazon App Store to see what was free for the day.  It was a game where you shoot and blow up waves of settlers in the wild west.  That killed about 10 minutes.

More like this.

Then a car pulled up in front of us.  Which is why I usually wouldn't sit in the car, it's creepy to see a dude sitting in the car alone.  So I just tried to avoid making eye contact....until I noticed the kid WEARING A SPIDERMAN COSTUME get out of the car!

I thought, what a cool dad.  They bopped into Target and I went back to murdering well-meaning settlers.  Matilda barked at a small blonde mother, she and I avoided eye contact.  I told Matilda thank you for protecting me from that woman and her daughter.  As they pulled out, I was just about to begin the next round of slaughter, and who comes out but Spiderdad and Spiderson.

Spiderdad was carrying a good sized water gun and Spiderson seemed quite pleased.  What's weird is, the dad looked at his son and said, "That was a blessing wasn't it?"  Nothing in response  from the 8 year old while he gets to his side of the car.   "Wasn't it a blessing, buddy?"  Again, nothing from his kid.  "What a blessing that you got this big water gun."  He impressed on his son the weight of the grace afforded to them in receiving a great big water gun for cheap.

My lesson for that day was, I'm not going to need to spiritualize every conversation with my kid.  Sometimes a cheap water gun is just a cheap water gun and you did your job of showing God's love to your kid by walking around in public with him dressed like Spiderman.  He'll remember that Spiderdad, he's already forgotten that the water gun was a blessing.


Presence...not presents.