Live coverage of the bachelor finale....now! Courtney ate that cat after the cut away.
Wife: “He makes a prettier girl.” Regarding the Bachelor sister.
Phallic symbols give bachelor hope in his marriage choice?
The universe is pulling out all the stops to let Bachelor know that Courtney is trying to eat him after the wedding.
Bachelor should have stopped at “I don’t think...” Re:Courtney
Courtney just laid her eggs in Bachelor. Couldn’t chance waiting any longer.
Courtney does not understand how to act like a human.
Courtney is considering what it would feel like to wear Bachelor sister’s skin.
I bet the last host for “Courtney” was a nice person. shame...
That’s blood in her cup. #Courtneyisanalien
First impression of courtney = Bachelor sister was mind controlled.
They need to do a #Bachelor for older people. Like, 75-80, what would it be called?
HAHA! They could call it survivor. #oldpeoplebachelor
Plot twist, Bachelor’s dad killed attempting to hold back the invasion force of Courtney’s people.
Hmmm. Titanic 3D commercial. Foreshadowing? #Bachelor
Matterhorn shot #7 so far.
aaaand matterhorn shot #8.
#9....
OK, done counting, there are only so many things to video in the swiss alps apparently.
Lindzi has a bump on her chin, could be a zit. Engagement canceled.
I do appreciate that this Bachelor has made thick eyebrows sexy again. Represent!
Are they the only people on the mountain? That would be awesome.
Hmmm. Meowmix commercial. Foreshadowing? #Bachelor
Does Bachelor have a popped collar? Run, Lindzi, run!
Lindzi: “It only gets better.” Bachelor: “Ahh oh..yeah...” Courtney wins.
Lindzi’s dimple almost makes a complete hole in her cheek.
I feel like Lindzi could beat him up, but Courtney will eat his head on the honeymoon. Choices.
Oh, in case you weren’t sure, they are near the matterhorn.
Lindzi looks like an australian.
Lindzi is endearing me with her humanity. Courtney is doing the opposite.
Magic Ingredient in Bachelor relationship = millions of dollars worth of vacations. Or, “love”.
That weird oven he just build. What is that?
I like that after a season of making Courtney despicable they have to show her like a normal person.
The last girl who made a journal went right home.
When courtney says children she doesn’t mention that they will have to burst from Bachelor’s chest.
Has anyone considered that this season of the bachelor was a feeding program for Courtney’s alien race?
That’s what it looks like when Courtney cries. Like someone who’s body can’t cry, because that function no longer works.
I really think Bachelor’s decision comes down to this, who did you enjoy riding in helicopters more with?
There are 6 guys with high powered rifles pointed at that box full of diamonds. No doubt about it.
2nd & 3rd helicopter ride of the episode. So many helicopters on this show. More than MASH!
Oh, they put the Matterhorn in the background. I had forgotten about the Matterhorn.
Asking a woman to get out of a helicopter in 4 inch heels seems cruel.
Bachelor was legit like, “I will call you if this doesn’t work out."
Now we know that the Bachelor ends with him giving unwilling birth to courtney’s spider babies.
hmmmm. 5 year engagement commercial. Foreshadowing?
*Spoiler* Ben gets engaged to the Matterhorn.
Ladies: Lesson to be learned from the Bachelor. If you are trying to win a guys attention. Get naked with them in the ocean.
That is an enormous diamond. Holy crap.
Well folks, thus ends the live tweeting of the Bachelor finale. We should wake in the morning to a world ruled by Courtney’s species.
1 comment:
I am so glad that I read this *rather than* actually watching the Bachelor! Thank you for your substitutionary suffering, brother!
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